Creative Musings..

Jab We Met…

We were a bunch of friends studying in school in the same class. School was fun and life was much simpler then. Major hurdle would be completing homework which we would anyways handle as we were motivated enough to get our hands dirty on the playground after finishing off our homework asap. We loved Cricket and given an opportunity(Saturday second half and whole of Sunday apart from evenings on weekdays) we were seen only on playground playing cricket whether it’s scorching heat, pouring rain or shivering cold. We only knew we had to win matches somehow (albeit cheating in some instances 😉 ) and thus win bets for extra chocolates and ice candies. Rest didn’t matter for us.

Gully cricket was common pastime in my society as it was in many localities during early 90s. And we had teams from one locality playing against team from other locality quite often in tournaments. Ours was a good team and out of around 10 teams we even were champions once during one such tournaments. Gone are those days were we used to sweat it out in the sun, get drenched in the rain and never get tired enjoying the game to the fullest unlike today were we are busy playing only virtual games on mobiles and elsewhere.

Now life is complicated with less time and more work/worries/pressure/expectations etc etc. Almost everyone we meet looks dissatisfied and no one seems to be happy/contented. In order to relive those golden memories,we friends decided to meet up at a common place. Some of our friends were settled outside India, barring those others who made this great dream cricket team along with some of the other friends decided to meet at a friend’s flat in Bangalore. Some of the friends joined from Mumbai and Chennai, I was based in Pune and most of them were settled in Bangalore. It was a long weekend for most of us and we decided to complete our pending work well in advance to make us available for this weekend meet. We were glad that everyone could make it.

After a tiring overnight journey,upon reaching Bangalore,I called up my friend where everyone was supposed to meet up for brunch. I did knew his exact home address but for the fact that it was at a exotic location some 5 kms diversion from Bannerghatta Main Road, couldn’t locate his flat. Upon calling him,I was told to wait at a landmark so that he could pick me up to his flat. As I was waiting,I saw a car coming towards me,4 of them with their faces covered seated on the car. As it stopped in front of me, everyone (except the driver), came towards me and caught hold of me forcibly and pushed me inside the car. I couldn’t believe what panned out as it happened suddenly. Was I kidnapped?? Holy shit!! Yes, I was kidnapped in an isolated place.The road was clear and no one seemed to be passing by to get any outside help.My mouth was covered now after being threatened and told to hand over my RayBan,iPod, smartphone and wallet. However their voice sounded familiar and while handing out my wallet, I forcibly removed cloth covering the face of one of the guys. As I had guessed right he turned out to be our batting opener who used to get out first almost every time. On the other side was our fast bowler Shoaib who looked fearsome with his pace and look. The one driving the car was our captain, a middle order batsman who used to capitalize the start given by top order batsman and take us to the driver’s seat quite often. Beside the driver was our mystery spinner Phirki (mastermind behind this act)who used to spin the ball both ways and even deceived me this time with his googly by drawing me in front and getting me out plumb to make us laugh about it later.

As we reached our friend’s place still laughing about this incident, we were greeted by rest of our team-all rounder Golu(everything was round about him) who would also be our gol keeper oops wicket keeper, Little Master(another opener Sachin look alike), twins Waughle brothers and power hitter ShaktiMaan.So it was about time to party. The host aka Phirki had prepared Chicken Biryani along with some veg delicacies for vegans. No one cared about IPL which was coming on TV but went on to share their cricketing memories during school days. Stories started with imitating strange batting stances of our friends,the level of cheating we managed during a game to get an extra ice cream, how we innovated new ways to loose a match which should have been won quite easily, how we managed to run after breaking noisy neighbor’s glass window,argue for hours about a potential run out without replays, complain about stomach pain or anything of that sort just after getting out to avoid fielding under a violent sun etc etc. Topic gradually changed to school in general with stories related to first crush and subsequent crushes 😛 (We were stunned after hearing some confessions. I think I need to write separately sometime later on this topic 😉 ),how we tricked our teacher to get more marks, about the person we hated the most in school,how we managed to write the exam after getting panic attack when the paper which was leaked didn’t show up during the exam, tricks we perfected to copy during exams,unique characters with some strange and peculiar habits in school,imitating our teachers and some of our fellow friends, misadventures during tuition classes, big fights among our friends for silly reasons,school picnic stories etc etc. Now stories slowly changed to current scenario like how f**ked up our boss was if not our job,how some of them maintained their girlfriends so successfully and it ended when marriage topic cropped up. We argued whether marriage was start of a new beginning or beginning of a new end, how life changes with marriage blah blah blah. Some of our players were clean bowled(read married) and others including me were proud to be not out.

The next time I checked my watch, it was 8pm and it was time to leave. Never realized how time flies during good times and we had helluva good time.

Until next time,be good,do good and keep smiling 🙂

Phir Mohabbat…

If you missed the first part of this story, then Please Click here: Mohabbatein

She was a ‘special’ friend for me and I think I was special too but we became just friends for rest of the world.

In pantry, my colleagues used to join me for coffee. But in order not to give undue attention to others who would also be present in pantry, we used to go for coffee in nearby CCD outside office premises. And as always coffee break this time with my special friend, was never less than a hour and we drank coffee 4 times a day (2 coffee breaks pre lunch and other 2 post lunch. Around 4 hrs. out of 9 hrs. customary office timings 😛 ). So as you guessed, my manager was pareshan as I could not be seen in my desk whenever he used to look out for me. And I was very innovative in giving out reasons which seemed genuine to any person’s imagination 😉 My colleagues doubted something serious is brewing between us(Actually coffee was brewing between us 😉 and you know a lot can happen over a coffee(pun intended)) We didn’t think what others were thinking about us and were busy in our ‘own’ world loving each other’s company.Now that we spent most of our time in office hours with each other we felt that we missed each other during weekends. So we enjoyed going out for shopping,films,any interesting weekend getaways and last but not the least-shopping (everything starts and ends with shopping 😛 I know only guys will love this pun).

There was a vacancy for a software developer in my current project. And my friend was getting released from her project. I sensed an opportunity here and since her qualifications and experience fitted our project requirements perfectly, I recommended her name to my manager. There was vacancy for only one place (coincidentally beside my desk) and I wanted her to take ‘that’ place. But totally 5 profiles were recommended for this lone vacancy. So I had to do something to get my friend to fill that place. But I decided to not influence my manager in any way to get her the project. So I trained her for around 10 days so that she could give a strong statement during the interview. And she succeeded with flying colors bagging the project and ‘that’ place.

And then we were together throughout during our office hours as we were in the same project 😉 No one could question us not even the manager as we worked together and never missed any deadlines not compromising on our chat quotient. Our chat messenger was as filled as it used to be as directly chatting continuously in a cubicle with full view of everyone was not an option. Chat window was full of mutual interests, some gossip, upcoming weekend plans, weird topics like dress sense of people around and all such bakwaas. It also contained some of work related discussions, doubts, queries, solutions et cetera et cetera. In short, work became fun and I loved coming to office for a change.

Meanwhile her parents were looking for a suitable groom which I was unaware initially, but came to know when she told she had to leave next weekend to her hometown to meet her fiancé.Something was wrong, it didn’t seemed right. Even my friend was reluctant to see her fiancé even though he looked like a Bollywood hero on photo. He was well settled, came from a highly respected family and had excellent qualifications. As she received strict orders from her parents this time,she could not postpone this meet as she has always been doing in the past to delay her marriage. She was reluctant and we discussed this extensively at length just a day before her travel to hometown. After the discussion I concluded that she was unhappy with this alliance and I was more than unhappy to see her get married to someone else. But even though we didn’t show this emotion to each other, we knew we loved each other. When I knew this is the right time, I proposed her. She was surprised and happy like never before. She happily accepted my offer. But it was bit late as she had flight to her hometown the next morning. She thought of cancelling the flight but I suggested her to take the flight and talk to her parents about me before she could meet her to be fiancé. All this while I was saying to myself- Aal Izz Well, Aal Izz well and even told her to follow this trick to feel good in adversity. She managed to convince her parents and upon enquiring extensively about my details, they agreed that she might have chosen a good guy who understood her very well and would look after their daughter like no one else would do. So they decided to break this alliance by cancelling their visit to groom’s place by somehow convincing his parents.

So now that she was happy and her parents were happy to make me their son-in-law, I had to break this news to my parents and they readily accepted when I told all I had to say about my love. So everything worked like a charm without any eventualities and we decided to marry.

All Izz Well that ends Well 🙂

Mohabbatein

Preface: This short story is a work of fiction. Hope you will enjoy it 🙂

Ek Ladki Thi Pretty Si
Shayad Woh Mujh Par Marti Thi
Chori Chori Chupke Chupke Smile Kiya Karti Thi
Kuch Khehna Tha Shayad Usko
Jaane Kisse Darti Thi
Jab Bhi Milti Thi Mujhse
Bas Blush Karthi Thi…

I am a IT engineer working in a software firm.Job was fun initially but is boring now. Whenever I get up daily, refreshing morning activities turn depressing when it’s time for office. And having a manager who is active in office politics since 15 years doesn’t help either making situation worse.Tat calls for frequent coffee breaks with colleagues and pantry works best than the cubicle. So we talk and talk about our interests, life in general and what if we were not an engineer. And hence a break is never less than an hour 😛 It was one such coffee breaks that I saw HER for the first time, was spellbound to say the least. My friend had to shake me up to make me come back to terms. She also gave me a smile and I could see a spark in her eyes wen she saw me for the first time. From that day the quest to know her name and other details started. What I knew was that she worked in the same floor besides my ODC and we shared pantry apart from sharing glances each day we met subsequently. From that day,our coffee breaks with my colleagues started at a fixed time so that it clashed with her coffee break. We stepped out from our cubicle at times when there was high probability of her stepping too and I received full cooperation from my friends. My female colleagues didn’t knew her upon asking but she had a friend whom my friends knew. So that was the strategy-Pehle heroine ko patane ke liye, uske friend ko patao. My female colleagues were instructed to go into specific lift which my heroine and her friend took and to some places were I couldn’t go(pun intended) to find more about her. Upon applying common ice breaking techniques, my friends succeeded in acquiring janam kundli of my heroine with very well orchestrated meets. All this while I didn’t meet her but concentrated only in strategysing my next move.

Now that I knew everything I wanted to know about her I decided to make a move. My lunch timings clashed with her’s,so we(read colleagues) would purposely sit in the adjacent table just to make an impression. And that worked like a charm. One fine day, I stepped into lift to find her coincidentally and given an opportunity wen I was about to start a conversation, she applied same ice breaking techniques which my friends had used earlier on her(like which floor, oh ya same floor? Which account? Oh great. I work in adjacent ODC) and thus we became friends 🙂

To be continued…..

D-Day: Indian Election Results 2014

As the whole nation, the world’s largest democracy waited with bated breath for the election results on May 16th, we got some reactions from prominent party members from all parties on the course of counting the votes. This being a country with different story unfolding in every state/region added to the complexity of the elections making it difficult to predict the winner as it was a close fight in some of the regions. So let’s hear in before wasting any further time..

Congi Spokesperson on his party’s dismal performance hinting an end to dynasty politics:

Aisa Zakhm Diya Hai Jo Naa Phir Bharega

Har Naagrikon Se, Ab Yeh Dil Darega

Hum Toh Election Haar Kar Yunhi Mar Mite The

Sun Lo Ye Voteron, Yeh Humse Ab Na Hoga

———————————————————–

Apni Toh Jaise Taise Thodi Aise Ya Waise

Kat Jaayegi, AAP Ka Kya Hoga Janabe-Ali

AAP Ka Kya Hoga??

Kejriwal introspecting on winning only 4 seats covering only Punjab and not opening it’s account elsewhere:

Hum Toh Teher Punjabi, Satta kya banaoge??

Subah Pehle Gaadi Se, Ghar Ko Laut Jaayenge…

Kejri then dedicates the same song to Congress President Ms Gandhi:

Tum Toh Teher Pardesi, Satta kya banaoge??

Subah Pehle Flight Se, Italy Ko Laut Jaaogee…

Diggi proposes his lady love expecting a positve answer,asking some serious questions at the same time on a counting day:

Hum AAP ke hai kaun??

N D Tiwari(88, who recently got married) feels left out and fears of a serious competition from Diggi:

Le Jayenge Le Jayenge

Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge

Aji Rahey Jayenge Rahey Jayenge

Bachelors Dektey Rahey Jayenge

Diggi(67) hits back and dedicates a song to his lady love Amrita Rai paying no heed to election results trends:

Jawaani Jaaneman Haseen Amrita

Milein Do Dil Jawaan Nisaar Ho Gaya

Shikaar Khud Yahaan Shikaar Ho Gaya

Yeh Kya Sitam Huwa Yeh Kya Zulam Huwa

Yeh Kya Ghazab Huwa Yeh Kaise Kab Huwa

Na Jaanoon Main Na Jaane Woh, Ahaaaaaa!!!

BSP, DMK, NC could not manage a single seat which was shocking and surprising at the same time. To celebrate this momentous occasion, Maya sang this song:

Anda anda anda anda anda………

Aao sikhao tumhe ande ka funda

Yeh nahee pyare koyi mamuli banda

Iss me chhupa hai election ka fal safa

Ande me anda anda, funde me funda anda

Ande ka anda anda, funde ka funda anda

Once BJP made mission 272 success on it’s own:

Na Chahoon Sona Chaandi, Na Maangoon Amma Didi

Yeh Mere Kis Kaam Ke??

Na Maangoon BJD Bhi, Na Maangoon TDP bhi

Yeh To Hain Bas Naam Ke

Deti Hai Support De Badle Mein Support Le

Ghe ghe ghe ghe ghe, ghe Re Saahiba

Politics Mein Sauda Nahin

Most of Congress prominent leaders and sitting MP’s were thrown out of power swiped by Modi Wave. They were heard like this in a party meeting after results were announced.

Chalkaye Jaam Aayiye AapKi Haar Ke Naam, Modi ke Naam

Soniya introspecting on RaGa:

Ufff Ab Main Kya Karoon

Main Kya Karoon, Main Kya Karoon..

Is Rahul Ka Kya Karoon, Main Kya Karoon Main Kya Karoon..

L K Advani could not fulfill his dream of being a PM one day and was not very excited(as expected) to see Modi win. He was caught singing this song at his home:

Abhi Mujh Mein Kahin, Baaki Thodi Si Hai Zindagi,

Jagi Umeed Nayi Banna Mujhe atleast Speaker Sahi

Some of the important news update of the hour

2 people (Mr NoSe and Mr YoYo) were spotted in the theatres watching latest comedy cum tragedy cum mystery cum musical cum drama cum thriller ‘The Xpose’ starring greatest singer of our generation Mr. Himesh Reshammiya and greatest rapper Mr. Yo Yo Honey Singhaaaa….

Rakhi Sawant’s Hari Mirchi managed to grab 15 votes in her debut election. Search is on for 14 people who voted for her.

Congress has managed to win less than 50 seats which would give them all the liberty to create a WatsApp group without leaving out any MP.

Let’s spare 2 minute silence for MMS 10 years of silence.

RaGa will be conferred highest civilian award of India- Bharat Ratna,for campaigning rigorously and giving a lone interview(To Ornab Da) for bringing up a change,giving hope and bright future for this country by rooting out Congress in their worst ever defeat after independence.

H D DeveGowda and others said that if NaMo comes into power, they will leave India. Now that he has won, they are saying they were ‘misquoted’.

Meanwhile, Diggi & N D Tiwari begin to fight again, this time humming English songs. Diggi says I’m sexy and I know it and Tiwari responds saying I Just Can’t Get Enough

People of this country singing in unison once final results were out announcing NaMo as the PM with a landslide victory:

Bande Mein Hai Dum Vande Mataram!!

————————————————

Kyunki Tum Hi Ho Ab Tum Hi Ho

Zindagi, Ab Tum Hi Ho

Bharosa Bhi, Mera Vikas bhi,

Mere PM Bhi, Ab Tum Hi Ho

All Thought it was Modi Wave/Tsunami watever you call it that made the difference in this historic election. Read on to know the real reason..

All The Modi Fans Yeh, Don’t Miss the Chance Yeh

To Thank Rajni Kantha, THE ‘THAILAVA’(as Namo met Rajni before results)

So here’s the tribute…..

Moochhon ko thoda round Ghumaa ke

Annaa ke jaisaa chashmaa lagaa ke

Coconut Mein lassi milaa ke

Aa jao saare mood bana ke..

All The Rajni Fans Yeh, Don’t Miss the Chance Yeh

Lungi Dance Lungi Dance

PS: NOM to any person involved. Just written for fun. 😉

History Repeats…

I was in 9th grade, an above average student,loved Mathematics and Cricket. If Math was fun, Social Studies was more fun because of my favourite and sabka favourite teacher. I loved history, found geography and economics interesting and hated civics from the bottom of my heart. I was fortunate to have Sri Sri Sri… Sir as my Social Science Studies(SST) teacher for 2 years(Let’s call him just Sir as I don’t want to take names. My school friends know exactly whom I am talking about).In short,it was an epic encounter. Ours was a silver jubilee batch(25th batch) and our History Sir had served the school as much as the history of our school lasted.He was a gold medalist and didn’t show off an inch when he was teaching us 😛 (My school friends will better understand what does this exactly means).

Now onto epic encounters we had with him.

-I write a lot of fictional stuff these days and I was first introduced to fiction by Sir.While teaching us about life in Thar Desert or for that matter in India Pakistan border, Sir used to start like this-When I went to India Pakistan Border….. and we used to laugh abruptly which would make him shout.Even though he said a plain lie,he would convince us by his stories and we used to lol and rofl. Once he told he went to South Africa. Everyone shouted ho ho ho… Then he quickly changed his statement that his friend had visited SA.

-He wore spectacles and to maintain it,he had to clean it daily in the class. To save time, he used to clean his nose too. He had a very unique way to clean his nose and mouth with the same handkerchief- Yuck!! Another lol moment..

-Ours being a Christian school,we had lot of fathers,sisters and brothers. One such father was our English teacher who was our Principal too. When he used to roam around verandah and if he passed by our class and if SST was going on, Sir would sense that much before anyone else and stretch the words in his speech whatever he was saying and make it look more convincing. On first instance we didn’t get the reason for this change in his accent but later we realized it.(Talk of Impression? We learned a lesson here)

-When he was teaching, suddenly if he found anything interesting outside the window,he used to stare it for so long that everybody in the class would look towards the window and then knowing that we were also staring,he used to shout ‘Don’t fool around’ (his punch dialogue) and we used to laugh.

– For whole of 9th/10th grade,no one read SST from standard book. We had a standard guide book- Diamond Guide!! I can picture that right away. Even though we didn’t read anything it would be difficult to pass in other subjects but not with SST. Here a below average student could also score well provided you wrote stories well. In our school days, Kaho Na Pyar Hai was a massive hit and everyone had seen it multiple times. So here was the funda everyone applied without copying in the exam. Read the question multiple times, Stretch your mind to understand it and write something about it in first two lines by trying to be relevant, save some of the stuff in last two lines and sandwich Kaho Na Pyar Hai or any other movie story in between first and last two lines. Believe me it would work like a charm, Every Time. (You know, we were innovative with our stories, a serious relevant topic would suddenly turn romantic,some coherent stories would make a good film :P)

-Sometimes if we were lucky we would get the questions before the exams too. Sir used to set question paper in the class. We had a monitor who had to write name of the students who were talking in the class wen Sir was resting on his desk. When Sir used to set the paper from diamond guide, monitor used to go beside the desk and secretly note down the page number pretending he is monitoring the class. Others had only one job, to turn the pages and quickly note down the questions.Everyone had personal copy of diamond guide and when monitor used to signal us the page number we used to mark the questions.We turned the pages of the guide in sync with that of Sir’s as we believed a guru and shishya should be on same page while conversing 😛

– If you forgot homework of other subjects, SST was the class to be. On one such class,someone had borrowed my Math notes and was completing his homework in SST class. Someone complained this to Sir upon which he got angry and took only my notes to the staff room. I went behind him to get it. He knew we used to make fun of him so he told me to say sorry to every teacher present in the staff room. My math teacher saved me by borrowing my notes from his hand and handing it to me.(Yeah,you guessed it right-We had great grasping power. Could do SST and Math simultaneously :P)

-If anyone was made to read a new lesson aloud in front of class it was understood that the lesson was taught.(Yeah u read it right.We were fast learners :P)

-He had some favorites (read bakras) in the class who were made scapegoats more often. If class sounded like a fish market(along with bakras :P) he used to shout taking that fav. student’s name. One day, that student was absent in the class but our Sir didn’t fail to shout his name when the class was loud 😛 That’s called making noise in the class, making your presence felt even though you are absent…

– He had a habit of removing his footwear when he was seated on his desk. Guys from first bench would stretch their leg to get his footwear and pass it on till last bench and the next scene when he gets up from his slumber was never to be missed 😛

– In SSLC, he was our class teacher. We had a ball as the day started with his period. One fine day, he said open page number 40 from the text book. Everyone shouted page 45 Sirrrrrr……. to which he got very angry and hit the person sitting on the first bench 😛

-If he remembered by any chance, he used to suddenly announce in the class to complete all Q&A from SST in our ‘to be made’ notebook. We used to avoid it and on last resort used to complete all Q&A with answers not more than 2 lines.(You know, we were smart)

PS: NOM to any person involved. It’s just my version of the story. It’s not that we always made fun,we did study during our boards seriously. Learning should be fun and that was my biggest learning.

Thank You SIR!!

Keep Smiling 🙂

Dil Chahtha Hai !!

Rahul,Rajesh and Rohit were childhood buddies (read chaddi dosts).They knew each other since their kindergarten days and each one of their parents knew each other through them.During kindergarten, they used to discuss and do their homework on their slate,recite rhymes together, play all sort of games like chor-police, galli cricket,raja-rani-chor-sipahi(a royal game),card games like Uno, big fun cards(they used to buy big fun chewing gum only to get cricket,WWF cards free),watch cartoon together etc. etc.

As they advanced through primary education in school, their bonding became stronger. They had consecutive roll numbers too(helped each other in copying wen teacher was not around),went to tuitions together, danced together during children’s day celebration, got charmed by same gal(or rather gals :P). During board exams they secured first,second and third rank without copying (otherwise rank would be same no?as they didn’t believe in putting half hearted effort(LOL).

As they got into high school, somehow they didn’t find enough time with each other and their focus shifted to ‘other’ things. Rahul was smart, intelligent and good in sports. There was one more girl too in his class with same credentials. Rahul had a crush on her and eventually they became good friends. But he didn’t knew what the girl thought about him and always treated her as a special friend.Rajesh had a childhood love,a family friend who lived in Mumbai. During school holidays he used to always go to Mumbai to meet her pretending he is visiting his maasi’s house as his gf was maasi’s neighbor.During school days,he used to make lot of calls to his maasi(read lover).Rohit was the good dancer in the class,had great physique and idolized Hrithik Roshan. During school annual gathering,he had enthralled one and all with his dance moves and the dance with supposedly Amisha Patel(her name was Amisha coincidentally)from the class received highest applause from the crowd. Rohit liked her secretly and the girl was highly impressed by him.

6 years hence : All 3 had engineering degree as their parents had wished so when they were born 😛 Rahul got placed in Infosys Bangalore along with his girlfriend,Rajesh got offer from TCS Chennai(But he applied for mutual swap with his friend to Mumbai for obvious reasons) and Rohit was with Tata Motors in Pune along with his new girlfriend from Pune (as he ditched unfaithful Amisha).

4 years hence : All 3 of friends were not as much in touch and thought they were not spending enough time as they were somewhat stuck in maintaining their work-love life balance. But good news was that they had proposed to their respective gfs and somehow convinced even their parents to marry them. Now at this joyous moment they remembered about the bachelor party to Goa they had planned long time back.They instantly applied for sick leave in their companies and left to Goa. A planned bachelor party 8 years ago but unplanned arrangements made their journey/stay uncertain and thus more enjoyable.They got tanned in beaches,attended casino parties,enjoyed seafood, got engaged in water sport activities and had helluva good time.After their return they were pampered by their gfs and later got busy in their marriage preparations.

After one year: All 3 are getting married now and story ends here 😉

P.S : All characters presented here are purely fictional.Any instances related to any person is coincidental.
Inspiration: All my friends are getting married one after another and some with each other 😉 This blog post is dedicated to them.

Be happy… 🙂

Keep Smiling!!

Nation wants to know who is the next PM

Preface: Frankly Speaking, nation wants to know a lot of things about our PM candidates. This is just the beginning. NOM to any real people/entity with this hypothetical interview.

So elections fever is on as is evident clearly. In some states/constituencies, polling is done already and in others there is anticipation of the D-day. For campaigning, our leaders promote their party day in and day out in rallies all over India. They even promote their party in press, newspapers, news channels and elsewhere. So one fine day to promote their party to whole new heights all the prominent netas went to the ‘legen–wait for it daryyy’ Ornab Da’ s show Frankly Speaking.

Frankly Speaking, this is the entertainment no 1 show(against popular perception that it’s news debate show) which sometimes for a change caters to news(read paid news),creates huge TRPs for the channel(other prominent channel debate shows are no match) but also more importantly is responsible to give ideas (read News Item) to lot of satire artists all over the country. Since the inception of this show, satire industry is booming and satire artists can’t imagine their life without this show and Ornab Da is the sole person for whom this success should be credited. Cross questioning, investigating(rather than interviewing) and more importantly shouting are his strengths which no one in media can match.Enough said and given praises(read bezati), let’s start the show.

Guest tonight is not 1 or 2 but all the 3 PM candidates who are to rule India in the near future. So introducing all for the first time ever in one platform:

NaMo aka HOTY(frontrunner who is in red hot form),AK aka NOTY(who exposes everyone),RaGa aka POTY(u know what is POTY right??) and our beloved Ornab Da aka KOTY(read in Kannada).

KOTY: I have only 10 questions and whoever answers(read controversial answers)it well and more importantly answers it first(by pressing buzzer in KJo’s Kofee With Karan ishtyle) will be the next PM.

Q1: Who is giving his first ever TV interview now??

HOTY and NOTY presses the buzzer at the same time and answer POTY.

HOTY: I pressed buzzer first.

NOTY: I did.

KOTY: You both can answer.

HOTY: My answer is POTY. He should have been the first ever person to answer this Q. LOL

NOTY: POTY it is. ROFL

KOTY: HOTY 1, NOTY 1, POTY a big Unda.

POTY: This is cheating. I will complain to my mummy.

Q2: Which came first Chicken or Egg?

All of them press buzzer and has different theory altogether.

NOTY: Neither Chicken Nor Egg came first. Jan LokPal came first…

HOTY: In Gujarat,we don’t divide people like Congress do elsewhere and believe in giving equal opportunities.

POTY: It doesn’t matter as long as both have surnames as Gandhi both will come first in class.

KOTY: But we are not talking about any class here.

POTY: What if I ask you the same question???

KOTY: Excuse me. It is your interview(that too your first one in 10 years),not mine.

After 2nd Question, I think I have to give to everyone(as I don’t know the answer- silent LOL)

HOTY 2, NOTY 2, POTY 1.

Q3: What is escape velocity of Jupiter??

Only HOTY and POTY press buzzer this time.

HOTY: The speed at which Congress comes up with new scams that prevents law from catching up.

POTY: It’s 60 km/sec (Thinking- Thank GOD!! I remembered this now while mugging up this concept for some totally unrelated speech)

KOTY: I am blown away by your answer POTY. Well done(How does this kid know so much at this young age of 42??)

HOTY 2, NOTY 2, POTY 2.

Q4: Can anyone ever get cornered in a round room??

Only POTY buzz this time.

POTY: Yes. Only I can(when you interview me again) and Rajnikanth off course.

POTY with the lead now.

HOTY 2, NOTY 2, POTY 3.

Q5: A tough one-How can corruption be solved in this country??

All press buzzers with different answers/ideas.

NOTY: By sweeping away corruption from broom.

HOTY: By voting out Congress, half the problem will be solved, We want a Congress Mukt Bharat.

POTY: By one and only one thing-Voting for Congress!! What is corruption?? It is state of mind just like poverty is.

KOTY: Well done all of you.(State of Mind??You’re out of your mind)

HOTY 3, NOTY 3, POTY 4.

Q6: When was the last recorded time when MMS spoke?

NOTY wins it hands down by answering The day before he became PM of this country for the first time.

HOTY 3, NOTY 4, POTY 4.

Q7: What is Power of 49?

NOTY: Very proudly, the power of my government for ruling Delhi for 49 days.

HOTY: Power of 49 is women empowerment to make or break the government.

POTY: Power is poison and 49 is just another number (Meanwhile he mugs up this answer ‘Women Empowerment’ from HOTY)

Everyone in the studio is ROFLing and LOLing to this reply. KOTY feels left out and shouts by raising his voice. Just then Raj Thackeray breaks in to the studio to watch this much awaited show live. KOTY goes silent for the first time in the history of this show.

HOTY 4, NOTY 4, POTY 4.

Q8: What is the first thing you want to do if you become PM?

NOTY: I want to remove corruption in the country by bringing in a strong LokPal.

HOTY: I want to elect only clean candidates in my cabinet and leave out corrupted ones.

POTY: Women Empowerment(with a dumb face)

KOTY: I am not able to decide. So score still remains at HOTY 4, NOTY 4, POTY 4.

Q9: Is there a MODI wave, AAP revolution or what do I say about Rahul Baba?

POTY: This is insulting. I want to empower journalists as well along with the women. Next question please.

KOTY: HOTY 4, NOTY 4, POTY 4

Last question of the interview which is going to change the fate of this country.Everyone waits for baited breath as this is their last chance for redemption.

Q10: Why should we vote you??

NOTY: After adding CM in my CV, I want to add PM also.

POTY: I want to enjoy my life for 5 more years.

HOTY: Ha ha ha. Do we have any other option??

KOTY: I have to say this all of you have scored equally with this question. Let the public decide whom to vote and decide the fate of this country. Who am I to judge??

NOTY: Is this a publicity stunt?? And is the show funded by Mr. Ambani??

HOTY: Nation wants to know. Kaun he yeh aadmi??? Zara ghor se diye is shaks ko. Yeh hi hey yeh aadmi jo chila chila ke logon ko jeena haram karta hai. LOL

As the show director says packup..

POTY: Where is my Coffee Toffee Hamper for winning the buzzer round for first time on debut??

KOTY: I had bought only 1 which I am taking home as I was not able to decide who should have got it.

POTY: Mummyyyyyyyyyyyyy…………….

P.S: From uncut version of this show

KOTY: I want to confess that I am not able to decide whom to vote.

NOTY: After exposing everyone, I too got exposed only once in my life.

HOTY: Gujrat model will not work for India. Rather a different set of decisions/model have to be made for each state.

POTY: Mein kabhi batlata nahin, par Modi se mein daartan hun main Maa.

The Great Indian Election Debate

It’s election time !!! The biggest reality show ever of the largest democracy in the world. To impress upon the people and show(read fool) the people that we have done good work(or rather not done at all), all the politicians from major parties came forward to discuss in what could be the most important debates ever. Sounds interesting? No? Anyways lets get the show started…

Disclaimer: All characters presented here are fictitious and created in the vast expanse of the mind by unleashing imaginative power. Any resemblance to living person or dead is purely intentional and written with the only objective of having fun with the words and not to mean any offence to any person involved.

So here’s Presenting snippets from the debate…

Baitein baitein kya kare karna hai kuch kaam, shuru karo debate show, leke prabhu ka naam..

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Soniyo: ABCD Padhli bahut Thandi aahein bhar li bahut, Acchi baat kar li bahut, Ab karenge tere saat Gandhi Baat Gandhi Gandhi Gandhi Baat Gandhi Baat.

Pappu(Can’t Speak Saala) : Aap ko kya lagta hai iss baar hamari party election jitegi?

Soniyo: Abki baar(Modi sarkaar) Abki baar(Modi sarkaar), toh lagta hai sirf DON jitega.

Pappu: DON?

Soniyo: Wohi Gujrati DON (Darling Of the Nation)

Pappu: Mummy,Mummy

Soniyo: Yes Pappu

Pappu: Telling lies??

Soniyo: No Pappu

Pappu: Mummy,Agar main PM nahin bana to kya karunga???

Soniyo: Beta, Mujhe toh yeh chinta hai ki agar ban gaya toh kya karega?(LOL)

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Itne mein ek awaaz suniya deti hai jo kisine aaj tak suni ho …..

Kaisi Teri Khudgarzi Na Humein sune na koi

Kaisi Teri Khudgarzi teri authority se mum hai koi

Ban liya mera Paigambar

Tar liya saat samundar(Italy se) Phir bhi sookha mann ke andar

Kyun reh gaya Re??

Soniya maan ja

Oh Madamji Maan ja

Aaja tujhko pukare teri Manmohaniyaaa..

Manmohaniyaa: Soniyooooo…. O Soniyoooooo re, maan jaa..

Soniyo: Chup. Bilkul Chup. Buloo mat, hum debate kar rahe hain,public hamein dekh rahi hai.

Woh din tha aur aaj din hai jaahaan kisine Manmahoniya ko suna hai na sun payega…….

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Arey Diwano,Mujhe pehchano,Gujarat se aaya,Mein hun kaun?

Mein hun kaun,mein hun kaun,Mein hun mein hun mein hun kaun

DON DON DON….

NaMo: Ek baat zara ghor se suno Soniyo, Don ko harana mushkil hi nahi naamumkin hai

Soniyo: Hum bhi kisise kam nahi hai..

NaMo: Haan Scams karne mein. Aap jeetein hum haare.

Soniyo: AAP jeetein toh tum haare. Dilli mein !! (LOL)

NaMo: Hum haare nahin aur AAP jeetein nahin. Woh toh tum logon ka mili bhagat hai.

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NaMo:Pal do pal ka yeh safar, Pal do pal ka sarkaar

Humne hanskar AAP se yunhee kar li baat

Hadh kardi AAP ne Hadh kardi AAP ne

AK 49: Ab toh hadh karni padegi. Kyunki aap logon ne hadh paar kar li he.(public applauds)

NaMo: Toh AAP ka next dharna kab hai?

AK 49: Chai ke liye jaise toast hota hai, waise har ek dharna jaroori hota hai. Dharna Zaroori hai !!

NaMo: Dharna Mana hai !! Mein bhi RGV ka fan hun (smiling with tongue out)

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Dhina Din Dha Dhina Din Dha Dhina Din Dha

2G, CoalG, 2G, CWG, lo G suno G

Main hun ManMohan G

Karta hun Main jo woh tum bhi karo G

1 2 ka 4 , 4 2 ka 1

My name is Manmohan My name is Manmohan

Sab logon ka PM,Mera naam hai Manmohan (Sab ka PM?? Soniyo: ROFL)

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Aka Chikee Lakee Chikee

Chikee Lakee Chu Mera Chekee Dimple Chikee Chikee

Lakee Chikee Chu

Aka Chikee Lakee Chikee Chikee

Lakee Chikee Chu Mera Chekee Dimple Chikee Chikee

Lakee Chikee Chu

Mai Khwabon Ka Shehzada Mai Hu Har Dil Pe Chhaya

Ho, Zero Hai Meri IQ Mai Hu Congress ka VP

Congress Dubaane Mai Hu Aaya Congress Dubaane Mai Hu Aaya

Kehte Hain Mujhko Rahulaaa Gandhiii

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Ting Tang ,Ting Tang-Tang,Ting Tang,Ting Tang-Tang

Raaaraaareeeruuuu Ahaa Raaaraaareeeruuuu

NaMo: Ji haan mein hun aapka Nayak

Ting Tang,Ting Tang-Tang,Ting Tang,Ting Tang-Tang

Khalnayak nahinnn,Nayak hun main

Khalnayak nahinnn,Nayak hun main zulmi nahin sukhdayak hun main

Hai nafrat kya mujhko kya khabar, bas yaar pyaar ke laayak hun main.(public applauds)

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AK 49: Haanny hum mar jaayenge(corruption se), hum toh lut jaayenge(corruption se)

Aisi baatein kiya na karo, humein govt form karna ka mauka toh de do

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NaMo: Govt ka hai 49 din o o o o o, Baaki sab dharne ke din ooooooo

Jaaye Jaaye Jaaaye Jaaye Ek baar jab govt jaye,toh phir na kabhi bhi aaye

Ho Ho,toh phir na kabhi bhi aaye(BJP fans applaud)

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AK 49: Mera WagonR hai Japani, Yeh patloon English staani

Sar pe AAP ki topi , Aur Dil hai Hindustani(NaMo: LOL)

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NaMo: Iski topi uske sar,Uski topi iske sar

Iski topi uske sar,Uski topi iske sar

Aise hi chalta hai,Sari duniya ka chakkar

Samjhe mister

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As we conclude the debate,let’s hear in last thoughts from our PM candidates..

Pappu: I want to open up the system, bring in RTI, do women empowerment and give these 3 fundas to anything you ask. Vote For Me !! (Soniyo:LOL)

AK 49: AAP ki sarkaar, AAP ka PM

NaMo: Tera dhiyaan kidhar he, yeh tera PM idhar he

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P.S: Vote wisely. Vote For India !! And yeah vote/rate this blogpost too…

Keep Smiling 🙂

Flat Number 7

Adarsh and Avinash passed out from engineering college in 2013. They were good friends right from school.Both had received a offer from TCS in Hinjewadi,Pune.So they traveled from Belgaum to Pune two days in advance to hunt for a room in Pune.They were looking out for a room in Aundh and after seeing over 5 flats and being unsatisfied and exhausted, they decided to end the day in seeing last flat of the day and later hit the pub to relax. Fortunately when they saw the 6th flat, they instantly liked it.This 2bhk flat was neat,elegant,spacious,well furnished and more importantly at a reasonable rate.They could not believe their luck and thought how come this flat was vacant even for few days that too at a prime location in Aundh.May be they just got lucky.They instantly booked the room and the room broker promised them to arrange a meeting with the owner the next day. They met the owner and got to know about intricacies like maintenance costs,water supply,gas connection, maid availability etc. One of the rooms out of the two was locked and upon asking the owner they were instructed not to open it and owner told them they will be charged less and since they were only 2 they could use the other spacious master bedroom. They received an offer they could not refuse as the final rent was very much under their expectations. They paid the advance to the owner and cleared the bill of the broker. The owner was leaving for some urgent work and reminded the tenants not to open/use the other room.

After 2 days, Avinash’s parents were in Pune for a family function to be held few days later.So he went to meet them after work and stayed with them in hotel.Next day he received an unexpected call from one of his friend that he will be in Pune next day as he had some work in Mumbai. He also said that he will be bit late as he is expected to be occupied till 8pm in Mumbai. At 9pm, Avinash reached room and informed Adarsh about his friend’s visit. He also told Adarsh that they will use the other room as it will be difficult for them to adjust in one room. Adarsh refused as it was against owner’s wish but since it was just matter of one day as his friend was expected to leave next morning, he agreed. Meanwhile Avinash appreciated Adarsh’s cooking skills as he tasted Palak Paneer for a test trial.

As the aroma of paneer filled the room, Avinash unlocked the room.When he opened the door,he could sense some creepiness and had a feeling of some paranormal activity.Upon switching on the light, one of the blood ridden walls read Tumhein Marna Hoga and blood was scattered on the walls around him. He could also see some broken toys scattered on the floor.Avinash braver among the two was terrified and scared to death. He thought he made a big mistake by unlocking this room, was uncertain about his future and latched the door instantly with his trembling hand.Meanwhile Adarsh shouted as a fire lit up in kitchen from nowhere and blew it off immediately. Adarsh asked Avinash what made him to shout and Avinash explained him in detail. Now Adarsh is mum and it scared the shit out of him.The latched door opened automatically and they held it without entering and locked it back. Both could not believe their fate and moved out of the room terrorized.They decided to call the owner and then chose against it as he had traveled to US to see his daughter. They behaved as though nothing had happened and asked the watchman purposefully about the water supply and other challenges/complaints from the room as he avoided more question by saying it’s good. Then when he is asked about the previous tenants, he said that they were very good and well-behaved and left as they got transferred. He also hinted that he remembered them saying they heard some strange voices from the locked room.This explanation is enough for Avinash and Adarsh to conclude that their room was haunted. They behaved normally and decided to have a walk until their friend arrives. Since it was too late and they didn’t knew much of Pune they decided to pass the night in their room.

At last Avinash’s friend arrived. They walked him to the room and passed the night without any incident. Avinash’s friend had a deep sleep while Adarsh and Avinash did not sleep even for a minute and looked disturbed.The next day Avinash was supposed to attend the family function. Adarsh insisted him to attend the function as his parents were also there. Avinash left for the function hesitantly and as he stepped out of the rickshaw at the function site, he saw all his family members out of the building and shouting at a terrace room looking worried. Avinash is told his brother is trapped inside a locked room.Avinash quickly moves to the room against his parent’s wish. The housekeeping attending that room is lying on the floor after being hit by something.Avinash bangs the door and somehow manages to break in inside. He finds his brother injured and lying on the floor suffocated for some reason. As he prepares to carry him and take him to bed he finds someone standing behind him.Upon turning,he finds the devil like figure saying Tumhein Marna Hoga.

Final Haara Re…

We lived our dream to win WC 2011. It was an emotional moment for everyone involved. A dream come true. Another dream to win WC 2014, this time a T20 was on cards. Our team India was looking ominous by being the only team to remain unbeaten in the entire tournament. We had a star studded batting lineup as it has always been the case. Our bowling especially spinners were looking good given the assisting pitch and similar home conditions. So Indian team were tough to beat. But in the finals we had to face an equally good, another subcontinent team SriLanka.
After loosing toss and batting first we had a blessing in disguise. It was always a good option to put up a challenging score and put pressure on the opposition as this being a big tense final even 150-160 would translate into 170-180 because of the pressure. At halfway stage we had a decent run rate and looked good to put up a huge total as we had lost only 2 wickets and had some hard hitters to come. But what India finally managed to make a meager 130 runs with wickets in hand was something no one would have predicted or imagined.
Fast-forwarding, Sri Lanka were almost in a similar stage at 14-15 overs with our bowlers especially spinners bowling beautifully and hitherto clinching wickets. But Indians couldn’t match the death bowling what Sri Lanka managed to display in what could be the best death bowling in recent times. So Sri Lanka win and India loose. Now that India have lost that too in a final we have to criticize someone.
So we analyze it further. Tat India’s batting session between 16-20 over’s where India managed to score only 19 runs is under the scanner. Batsman involved were Kohli who was on song yet again and Yuvi who was out of touch yet again. So we blame that Yuvi did not score enough runs after have come to bat at 11th over. Yuvi was completely out of touch as was evident clearly. The ball he got out was a full toss. But he tried hard not to get bogged down. He tried and tried but never succeeded. To add to his misery,the Sri Lankans particularly Malinga were bowling with a plan which was difficult to counter attack wen he decided to score after he depended mostly on singles wen spinners were bowling.Pacers were bowling wide yorkers which doesn’t seem to be present in dictionary of Indian bowlers. Even captain cool Dhoni couldn’t get enough runs in few balls he faced after he promoted himself to bat. This shows that India couldn’t get enough runs because Yuvi was not scoring, Srilankans were bowling exceptionally well and Kohli couldn’t get enough strike. So we have already selected the bait Yuvi and criticize singling him out. We don’t care what the rest of the 10 players do. As rightly said by Sachin, he can be criticized but not crucified and be written off for the rest of his life.But what do we do???We go overboard and attack his house, troll him on social networking sites.This is complete rubbish. We worship players when we win but we need to be more strong/supportive during our defeat.
Yuvi has won us more games than most of the other teammates. During 2007 T20 WC, he was exceptional in scripting famous wins. During 2011 ODI WC, he was man of the series. He was exceptional not only with the bat but he bowled minimum 8 over’s almost every match consistently clinching wickets at crucial time of the game and thus becoming the game changer. Apart from these he has been a match winner for many many games.After famous WC win(when he nauseated and vomited blood) he was diagnosed with career(if not life) threatening cancer. He fought that with great gusto and made a inspirational comeback. After that he fought hard to be the match winner he has been over the years, every time he donned India cap. He tried every time giving his everything. That’s Wat he did the other day. But he failed when it mattered the most in a final. Never mind that’s part and parcel of the game.

P.S : Having said that, I fear we are seeing last of Yuvraj Singh on a cricket field.